I pull on my soft, warm nightgown and slip into bed, snuggling under the covers. A comfortable drowsiness settles over me, as I turn off the light, ready for a good night’s sleep. However, the odds that I will wake in the morning rested and invigorated are slight. The fact is, I don’t generally sleep that well anymore. Something to do with getting older, I think. And yet, as I settle in for the night, I feel good. The anticipation outshines the reality.
I find the same concept applies to other areas of my life. I love looking through the seed catalog, planning my vegetable garden. Should I try a new variety of beans? Perhaps I should take another crack at broccoli. And how about a late pea crop this year? That might be fun to try. Planting brings renewed excitement. The freshly planted garden looks so beautiful with its neat rows and little green sprouts coming up here and there. I imagine it with mulch laid down between all the rows, squash tendrils reaching out across the straw, corn stalks reaching for the sky. The problem is I rarely get all the mulch out before the heat arrives. Then the weeds shoot up, and my energy level plummets. By the end of summer, I am likely to be digging through the weeds to find the vegetables.
Anticipation is a wonderful thing. It’s the vision that keeps us going through hard days of work, through long nights with a screaming baby, through sadness and pain and confusion. Because we anticipate the reward at the end—whether it be vacation or a rewarding career or a child grown into a fine young adult—we can keep going. Even if the reality never quite matches the vision.
Anticipation is hope, and hope is what gives life meaning. And so I plan the garden and put in my work hours, teach my Sunday school class and write these words, because I have a Hope that keeps me going—a Hope that whispers to me that someday the reality will far outshine the anticipation.
Sparrow Thoughts 
When I was younger, what I anticipated was totally unrealistic. That’s one of the benefits of getting older. You can adjust your expectations to more closely match the reality. But then, I sleep more soundly and easily now than I did when I was younger.
I’m spring planting at present. I just put in about a dozen seeds for different Chinese greens, with radished interspersed among them. Next week I will put in a few more. When I was younger I used to plant densely all at once as soon as the days started to get longer. It never turned out the way I anticipated. Smaller goals are more achievable.
Ken, nice to hear from you! Chinese greens sound interesting. When we first moved to our present location, with room for a big garden, I bought all kinds of different seeds, but I found out I either didn’t get around to planting them all, or certain things were planted, but never harvested. I wouldn’t get around to harvesting the lettuce until it had bolted, or the broccoli would be so full of aphids it didn’t seem worth it. Now I grow fewer varieties of vegetables, but I do harvest most of them–I’m still not good with the lettuce, though.
Yes, smaller goals are more achievable. I am quite pleased if I only wake up 3-4 times during the night, even though my husband would consider that a poor night’s sleep. Men don’t seem to have as many sleep problems at this age as women. It doesn’t seem fair, but what can you do? Adjust expectations, I guess…